Executive Functioning is My Roman Empire: How Invisible Struggles Derail College Success and Relationships
Executive Functioning Is My Roman Empire: How Invisible Struggles Derail College Success and Relationships
Have you ever heard the trend where people say, "This is my Roman Empire"-referring to a topic they think about constantly, that shapes how they see the world?
For me, it's executive functioning.
Because executive functioning challenges don't just affect how students manage their time or turn in assignments. They affect everything-including how they show up in relationships, how they handle emotions, and how others perceive them.
And in a college setting, that can be a recipe for deep disconnection and shame.
Executive Functioning 101: The Invisible Operating System
Executive functioning (EF) refers to a set of cognitive processes that help us plan, prioritize, regulate emotions, remember instructions, and start or finish tasks. Think of it like the operating system running in the background of your brain. When it's working well, things flow. When it's glitchy? Everything-school, social life, mental health-feels harder.
For students with ADHD or other executive functioning difficulties, the breakdown doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes, it looks like:
- Ignoring a text from a friend for days because you couldn't figure out how to respond.
- Missing a group project meeting because you couldn't transition from one task to another.
- Not calling your mom back-not because you don't care, but because your mental bandwidth is already maxed out.
- Leaving dishes piled up in your dorm-not because you're lazy, but because task initiation feels like climbing a mountain. And while all of these things seem small on the surface, they compound. Fast.
What It Looks Like vs. What's Really Going On
From the outside, executive dysfunction can look like:
- Flakiness
- Disorganization
- Lack of motivation
- Avoidance
- Poor communication
But here's what's often really happening:
- Task paralysis: Knowing what needs to be done, but not knowing how to start.
- Time blindness: Losing track of time, not from carelessness but from a different perception of how time passes.
- Emotional dysregulation: Feeling overwhelmed or shutting down when expectations feel too big.
- Cognitive overload: When the brain is juggling so many demands that one more small task can cause a total crash.
When others misinterpret these moments, it damages relationships. Students feel ashamed, misunderstood, and even more isolated-which only amplifies the dysfunction.
The Hidden Impact on College Relationships
Executive functioning struggles often lead to:
- Roommate conflict over chores, messiness, or communication gaps.
- Friendship strain when texts go unanswered or plans are forgotten.
- Parental tension when students miss check-ins or seem unresponsive.
- Group project breakdowns, leading to resentment and poor grades.
None of this happens because the student doesn't care. It happens because the cognitive load of simply getting through the day is already overwhelming.
Why Traditional Systems Fall Short
College disability services may offer accommodations for extended time or note-taking help-but they rarely address the root cause of executive dysfunction. Even therapy and medical treatment, while valuable, often focus on symptom management without building the practical skills students need to thrive independently.
That's where coaching comes in.
Coaching Builds the Bridge Between Awareness and Action
At NextStep Navigators, we understand that executive functioning is more than a checklist of tasks-it's a daily challenge that shapes every interaction and decision a student makes.
We help students:
- Break down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps
- Learn routines that actually work with their brains
- Build emotional awareness and communication strategies
- Repair relationships strained by missed expectations
- Reduce shame and build confidence
We meet students where they are-whether they're barely hanging on or just looking for support to level up.
Because here's the truth: executive functioning challenges are not character flaws. They're real, neurological struggles. And with the right support, students can absolutely succeed-not just academically, but socially, emotionally, and relationally too.
Does this sound like your student? Let's talk.
Our college ADHD coaching programs offer individualized, compassionate support that addresses the whole student-not just their GPA.
Let's stop treating executive dysfunction like a personality problem. It's time to rewrite the narrative-and help students build the life skills they need to thrive.
